Animals of the Ocean, in Particular the Giant Squid, advances many heretofore unexplored discoveries and opinions, including: squid dating dos and don'ts; why squid are not at all able to watch television in black and white; the ways in which people who don't know any better might think fish are not animals; and the long-term effects of saltwater on musical theatre.

This book does not contain a warning label, but if it did, it would advise readers to enjoy its pages only in small and furtive doses, such as while waiting your turn at tetherball.