My story is about love… No, it’s about loss… No, it’s about love and loss and pain and loneliness… But it’s funny!

Calvin is going to completely revolutionise his life. Escape his abusive boyfriend, detonate his inner sex bomb, see (and shag) the world. Yes, he’s going to change things, and everything will be wonderful, and he’s going to be so happy. Definitely. Finally. Right?

Together with Wilf, a rusty Volkswagen Polo which, like Calvin, has seen better days, they hit the road on a wild ride of dodgy Airbnbs, greasy takeaways, anonymous graveyard sex and banging 80s power ballads — ending up somewhere they never imagined they’d go. But is Calvin breaking free, breaking down, or just breakdancing in hot pants?

This riotous and heartfelt new play from James Ley (Love Song to Lavender Menace) takes audiences on a hilarious and unapologetic ride through Scotland as Calvin and Wilf attempt to escape loneliness, cope with mental illness and learn to love themselves, with the help of one another. This edition was published alongside the production at Traverse Theatre for the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in August 2022.